As we get older, it can feel like the number of days is fewer and farther between where our head hits the pillow with a sigh of “ahhh, today was a really good day.” They can be the kind of days where you unexpectedly connected with someone or days when you were in the beginnings of a budding romance. My favorite kind is the days where everything felt great, but nothing extraordinary happened – everyone just had an ease to them, life had an ease to it. When these days happen you know because you can recall them by memory. As we get older, at least to us, it feels like we start expecting those to rarely occur even though they happened much more frequently when we were younger.
As we mentioned in our last update, living in a completely new culture has caused a lot of reflection. Before moving here we felt constantly busy, constantly consuming information, never feeling like we had enough time. We would think once we reach a state of X or once Y happens, then Z. We couldn’t just 100% enjoy something without some self-doubt, guilt, feeling of trade-off, and the list goes on. I always felt behind on what I wanted to do. Ultimately, our decision-making never filled our happiness buckets all the way up. A deep sense of contentment felt rare during a standard day, but we weren’t necessarily super unhappy or hating life. Have you ever experienced something similar?
To avoid this sounding doom and gloom – this is us providing the context of where we were mentally before moving abroad. Understanding it helps bring you along the journey especially if you notice subtle or prominent changes in us when we can be together again. No one has to move abroad to have these revelations. All you need is something to shake up your life. They can happen anywhere, anytime. For us, they happened here.
You may be reading this and say, “I follow you.” If it makes you wiggle in your seat a bit, we invite you to take what you want from our observations and reflections and leave the rest. Alternatively, you can stop reading at any point. I will preface this by saying we haven’t quite completely flipped the switch on living life to the fullest either. It’s an art, right?
One realization for us was noticing how each passing year we started gravitating towards activities that aligned with what we enjoyed in theory. However, the method or platform used to complete them wasn’t allowing us to experience true “joy” (compared to how we experienced things in our youth). I found this so particularly interesting and wanted to explore it more. I recently started reading a book called The Power of Fun by Catherine Price. You need to read it!
Part of this realization springs up in the smallest ways. For example, in writing these blog posts to update you on our experiences abroad, I realized my playful, humorous side creeping out of the tips of my fingers. I used to have that radiate through me a lot more frequently (not in writing but my banter, my hairstyles, my arts and crafts nature, my clothes, etc.). Over the years, I’ve lost that panache in myself a bit. Getting that Casey back up and running however awkward the process it feels like shedding skin.
We also experience lifestyle differences between our previous chapters of life and our new one. Life feels a bit slower here. Cafés, stores, museums, etc. open at 9 or 10 am. For us Americans that is LATE in the day. Agonizingly late. Yeah, it’s all cute and charming if you were on a vacation. Blah blah. In real life little kids wake up at 5:30 am unless we’re going out in nature, it feels like an eternity. Especially when we have plans to do something dependent on an opening time. Many restaurants are closed on Sundays or Mondays too.
When you go out to eat, and this is a European thing (you may have noticed this if you’ve traveled abroad), you have to ask for your bill to be brought to you. I always forget about this and so it gets a bit crazy if the kids get antsy towards the end. You don’t feel rushed. Ever. If you do, you are not going to the right places!
The late opening times in the mornings are probably my least favorite change in slowing down the pace of life – because our kids wake up so early. However, I respect and admire it and FO SURE appreciate the vibe for dinner-time outings.
Another lovely aspect of life is hearing people talk about tea rather than TV. People talk about their tea like it’s an experience. It’s not a coffee-chain grab-and-go in my reusable mug type of thing. You sit, you savor, you chat, you enjoy. I mean they have an afternoon tea menu (as I’m sure you know about) where you get your tea with sandwiches, scones, jams, so on. It’s more expensive than just eating a meal. I’ve also seen people walk out of a cafe to sit al fresco and drink tea in the rain (not pouring rain obviously).
I have experienced individuals making decisions on if they can pick something up from FB marketplace depending on if it will impact their evening cuppa tea. People just say I’m leaving this gathering or venue etc. to go home and have my cup of tea. We love it. It’s so badass and sophisticatedly polite to just leave when you want because…tea is calling. I mean why wouldn’t you? When is the last time that you talked to someone, even a stranger, about a daily relaxing experience that you enjoy, let alone made a priority? The closest thing I can think of is beachy places like California or Hawaii where sunset is an event.
Where we live (similarly for many older European cities), you don’t drive (I mean you do) but you don’t. You walk everywhere. It’s quicker, it’s more affordable. Parking is not plentiful. Walking everywhere, you are forced to take a moment and enjoy your surroundings. I don’t think I’ve appreciated biking by flowers or budding trees, or smelling spring this much in a long time. Because many are walking or cycling, the activity feels communal. You don’t feel as weird as taking a walk in your big neighborhood when not many people are out (or disappointed when you don’t see people out).
Lil Fox can say hi to a handful of people he knows who are out walking or bicycling on the way to school, even a half-mile away from school. I love it, and you can see how much he thrives off just these single social interactions! We did not have that experience commuting to schools in our last location.
Along those lines, it’s not uncommon at all for people to shout hi to each other across the street and then run over and strike up a conversation while they are walking somewhere. The intention feels 100% genuine, gleeful and does not give off a social etiquette, I feel kinda obligated type of interaction. It is very deliberate. When is the last time you had an impromptu 100% physically and mentally present social interaction with someone where you didn’t worry about the time or felt you had to be nice? You just don’t get the same feeling leaving a conversation as you do when you give everything you have to those people for those few minutes you can. No distractions. At least that’s how we feel.
The blend of life in a non-car-centric community brings us so much joy. It doesn’t bother me to have to bike two miles to get somewhere (except if it is really raining hard), or if we choose to walk a mile somewhere. I don’t think about how much quicker it would be if we could just drive. It literally wouldn’t be quicker. There’s no place to park. Even if you do go pay to park in a car park somewhere you’d still have to walk.
Cycling or walking here you get the social, environmental, and cultural factors. We don’t feel like we’re entering a conduit meant to funnel you from one place to the next. We get the social experience of seeing people go about their day, have time to notice the architecture of buildings, and feel a greater sense of integration into all aspects of life. It makes the journey feel richer and we are privileged to get to experience it. I felt that lacking in other places we lived when we chose to bicycle or walk somewhere a couple of miles away. And I mean bicycling as part of a means to complete a required daily activity (e.g., run to the store, drop kids off at school, meet people at a restaurant, etc.). I think it lacked because (1) things were too far away, (2) destinations could be inaccessible by bicycle/walking (ie. no safe route existed), (3) city sprawl makes it hard to prioritize self-locomotion retroactively, or (4) self-locomoting paths were conduits segregated from city life.
If you get what I’m saying – let me know I’m not going crazy! I also want to recognize that while we love the self-locomoting experience here, it doesn’t equate to great accessibility for people who need it. We can see it on narrow, uneven sidewalks, train stations without lifts (aka elevators), etc. There is always room for improvement everywhere!
If you think this all sounds like Pleasantville, it’s not. You heard me talk about the neighborhoods in our last update. Life is not an episode of Downton Abbey either. It’s just a different way of living compared to what we’re used to in this one small part of the world. The part that we don’t prefer, we try to find the positive.
If you read this and feel moody about where you live (try not to) or think we are bashing on American/fast-paced culture (we’re not – there are great things about it too). We realize everyone has different opportunities and things they love about where they visit and live regardless of what country it is. That’s important to acknowledge and a good thing. If everyone was the same, life would be pretty boring. Our goal is to authentically share all the highs and lows of living here. This is one of those highs.
We’re habit-forming creatures and it can be hard to break habits. Especially when we don’t even know why or how we started doing them in the first place! When you feel like a fish out of water and you find yourself being forced to slow down and challenge the way you have always done things, it can feel a bit uncomfortable. You’re like $H!t! What am I supposed to be doing with my time right now? I hated it, but now welcome it. You have a moment to think and reflect and then explode at your revelations. Then things get weird because you are typing this out to everyone trying to give a life update that is very much “I am a born again, changed woman, the old Casey is dead and gone, and the new one is the old one, etc., and oh, p.s. I hope you still love me!” I don’t know how you make that sound less awkward, but let’s just roll with it for now. We all know when people have those moments, it’s hard to decide what level of crazy they’ve gone to.
At the end of the day, these are all just values that we want to guide our life – some have already been there, perhaps gathered a bit of dust along the journey of life. Maybe you feel some cobwebs have made your values sparkle a little less than you prefer. Ain’t nothing a good cleaning can’t fix (for real, ask my family about my mood after we clean the house). We see these values in you too. Kevin’s family is insanely good from disconnecting from technology when we hang out. My mom’s side of the family has a love of walking when we can (and it’s funny because I was probably the moodiest about it growing up – look at me now lol) and prioritizing spontaneous experiences. My dad’s side of the family will have fun without inhibitions when it’s playtime (e.g., Pass the buns – best Thanksgiving game ever!). Our friends know how to have fun, laugh out loud without caring who’s listening, and enjoy a good conversation with a cup of tea to beer.
Personally, as we grow and change we realize a few things:
- Our family thrives best when creating moments each day to authentically connect as a family and in our relationships. This means no internal feeling of rushing through something or thinking about what else needs to be done. What does that look like? I’ll let you know if we figure it out completely.
- We want to create microdoses of fun and not just rely on extreme highs. This means learning to accept that there’s nothing wrong about having a slow start to a morning walking somewhere to get a cup of tea and let the kids pick out a baked good.
- We (and everyone, really) always need to laugh more and be less serious. This includes asking ourselves why we should, instead of why we should not when we do not want to do something. It is an easy way to question the habits we form.
- Our mood feels better, happier, and livelier with daily community immersion. This can take the form of commuting in a low-stress way or through experiences. It forces us to dive into the feeling of community (e.g., meet new people, volunteer with a big social component) and not be a wallflower.
You might notice that these topics are nothing new. Sometimes we all lose sight of this when cars, other errands, busy schedules, to-dos can pull you away from this source of grounding. In our quiet moments here, we can fall still because life is a bit slower. However, it’s not because we’re in COVID lockdown and you’re stuck at home, so the experience feels a bit different. As the days go by, we learn new things about ourselves and take the time to explore how to revitalize and reconnect with our more authentic selves. We have those conversations individually and together.
Wherever we are, we realize we want a rich decadent life skewed toward love, fun, and happiness. Having an increase in the days where our head hits the pillow with a deep si
gh is a must for us. Anyways, party people. Julia Child said, “Life itself is the proper binge.” So, get at it!
